Monday, September 9, 2013

The Time is Now

 So we are back from Bali and I feel so unbelievably rested as does Mr G. Around the second week it really hit me exactly how stressed and anxious I have been. By anxious I refer to my levels of environmental anxiety - not the episodes I have previously mentioned in blogs about mental health,  the level of anxiety that exits due to my daily life due to my commitments, obligations and the disappointments I have recently experienced from people whose unacceptable behaviour has impacted on my family and myself. Amazing how it stacks up, how we carry it unaware as to how heavy the burden really is.

It was quite incredible really, my realisation that is.  Finally, there I was without any obligation except to be a good tourist, ensure my kids did not do anything too risky and relax.  No meals to make, clients to see, schools to negotiate, .  No menacing neighbours making our home life miserable, no peak hour traffic, simply nothing to cause stress.  My only job was to just take in what the beautiful balmy paradise I was in, had to offer.

Bali is a funny place. Filled with palatial hotels, inhabited by people who live the humblest of lives, many would not be able to comprehend the opportunities that we in the burbs complain about.  Their Traffic situations  make the mind boggle but yet I saw no road rage.  Litter everywhere, but devoted adherence to faith - small offerings to their Gods laid out daily.  Lush and tropical, warm and welcoming.   So many people with so little, but always on the ready to ask questions or share information about themselves or their family and mostly always faithful and believing that it was all going to be good.

During my time lolling on the beach, or riding elephants, white water rafting or wandering sandy shores - I had lots of time to think and reflect.  I read books and hatched some plans, revised some old ideas. Why wasn't I doing these things, I wondered. Why? I am a perfectly capable person, I have overcome some pretty challenging times in the past and I have an amazing capacity to take things on. I have access to so much. So why was I settling for "almost or it's okay" level rather than  a "yeah baby!" level when I have all the resources at my finger tips?  Now I am not suggesting that I am some superior being or anything, but I am suggesting that I am being what could be described as "first world lazy". I need to get on with things!

 So now here I am home (finally my brain is shifting back into gear) and I am ready to start putting some plans into action.  The time is now.  Now I will be following some dreams, making some plans come into fruition and use the energy that is around me as fuel to propel forwards. I now know that I CAN switch off, shut the noise in my head down and just be.  I also know this is essential to renew so I can get on.  Finally, I get my potential as a human, like all those who inspire me, I am capable of amazing things too. Living in the first world is a privilege, one that I have decided not to take lightly any longer.


Just Martha said...

So glad you had a relaxing time with the fam. Sounds like a good idea to have two weeks and really just be. Pity about those awful people. Glad you were strong. They are foolish to throw away a friendship with you. No doubt they will regret it but too late. The joy of life is that it sometimes gets in the way! Maybe next holiday could be, ahem.... North?

Olivia said...

I've been to Bali and have also had the privileged of working in the slums in the Philippines, it changes your life huh! We don't know we're alive in this country, we take so much for good on you for taking the plunge and taking the next positive step.

Bron said...

Your description of Bali is so right on.....I had the same realization after our latest holiday to NZ...we had no kids and came back so refreshed refocused and ready to tackle head on our lives.....sadly we are in desperate need of another holiday as the school break nears for end of looking forward to seeing where some of your revelations take you. xxxxx