rested as does Mr G. Around the second week it really hit me exactly how stressed and anxious I have been. By anxious I refer to my levels of environmental anxiety - not the episodes I have previously mentioned in blogs about mental health, the level of anxiety that exits due to my daily life due to my commitments, obligations and the disappointments I have recently experienced from people whose unacceptable behaviour has impacted on my family and myself. Amazing how it stacks up, how we carry it unaware as to how heavy the burden really is.
During my time lolling on the beach, or riding elephants, white water rafting or wandering sandy shores - I had lots of time to think and reflect. I read books and hatched some plans, revised some old ideas. Why wasn't I doing these things, I wondered. Why? I am a perfectly capable person, I have overcome some pretty challenging times in the past and I have an amazing capacity to take things on. I have access to so much. So why was I settling for "almost or it's okay" level rather than a "yeah baby!" level when I have all the resources at my finger tips? Now I am not suggesting that I am some superior being or anything, but I am suggesting that I am being what could be described as "first world lazy". I need to get on with things!
So now here I am home (finally my brain is shifting back into gear) and I am ready to start putting some plans into action. The time is now. Now I will be following some dreams, making some plans come into fruition and use the energy that is around me as fuel to propel forwards. I now know that I CAN switch off, shut the noise in my head down and just be. I also know this is essential to renew so I can get on. Finally, I get my potential as a human, like all those who inspire me, I am capable of amazing things too. Living in the first world is a privilege, one that I have decided not to take lightly any longer.