Friday, March 23, 2012

I have noticed a lot of these around my house lately, even this evening on the way back from picking 
up the pizzas and thai food (yup, not cooking' tonight).  With each sighting I am feeling a little more hopeful, reminded a little more each time i have many wonderful things to be grateful for (yes I know that kind of sounds cliche these days). Some years ago I developed a serious anxiety condition, it came with an awful episode of PND. I have considered that the anxiety had always been there since I was a child but the PND sent it into a roaring beast that would cripple me with panic attacks, irrational fears and terrible feelings of forboding. I feel tense and sometimes very scared and insecure.

I don't talk about this on my blog due to its very very personal nature,and besides it really isn't an issue, I do feel like I am taking a reasonable risk by doing so but I have been at this cross road before and it has worked out very well. Anxiety is something that a huge proportion of the population experiences at some point in their lives, so I am guessing this post is going to be read by at least one of that group.

Things in my life a pretty darn good, especially lately. My family is going great guns and what problems do arise Mr G and I tackle and usually come up with a plan that yields positive outcomes. I am healthy - probably a little too healthy now that i look at my big bum! And that's a thing too, I don't seem to beat myself up like I used for being "fat and ugly" (pretty mean to me wasn't I?). We have a lovely home, in a lovely pocket. My job is a constant source of challenge, inspiration and joy. I have lovely friends, I create, Mr G and I are still in love after 20 something years, we have plenty to eat, fresh water to drink. We have choice in our lives and want for nothing. I blog, I read , I craft. Things are pretty good.

So why do I feel like the sky is falling and I must get to the king to let him know? ( I used to joke that I was like Henny Penny when my anxiety would kick in - poor Mr G suffered a lot of stressing at him due to me catastrophising about stuff).

Lately I have that Henny Penny feeling again.
I haven't taken medication for this for a very long time. I have managed it with exercise, diversion, meditation, mindfulness exercises and relying on the fact that i am loved no matter what. It really has been present for a long time, but I know it lurks and on occasion rears its ugly head.

Boy, it can be hard sometimes. This week I had an experience that really played on my insecurities, caused me a deal of worry and jolted my levels of anxiety over the line from healthy to boarding on danger.  So whilst I haven't dropped into the depths of panic attacks and obsessive worry, I am putting an action plan together and implement it soon.  I work with people who struggle with their mental health daily, I collaborate with them to develop their Recovery would seem that my talk is about to become my walk. 
I must act now, I am seeing the signs and feeling anxious tension creep back into my body and being. 
Miss Prudence says "no" to that. 

So I guess this topic is going to take up some space in my blogging in the next little while (little I hope). So I would be grateful if anyone has advice or would like to share their experiences, to pop in and leave me a comment.  

Happy days bloggers,

Miss P


Bron said...

No Advice...just hope and pray that you are able to walk through the forest with some good support and come out into the sunshine again. x

CurlyPops said...

I'd never experience anxiety until after my Tx false alarm and it's been coming back off and on ever since. The only thing that I'm finding that helps is to stay uber-busy and to avoid negativity - I stop watching the news, and completely avoid negative people for a while.

Catherine said...

I hope that your plan helped to bring things back into line for you. I am a pretty anxious person by nature, it holds me back a bit but I try hard not to focus on that and focus my energy on what I do do well. But I like Curly Pops advise, avoid the news, go to the library and find a book that inspires you, go and buy something for yourself like a mag. I'm not sure if that helps. Take care. x