As you know i work in mental health, more specifically I
am a recovery worker. I help people develop recovery plans and achieve the
goals that they set out for themselves.
So it was a feeling of stupidity I had when I sat down this morning and actually had to think
what do I do now, how do I fix this thing.
Yesterday was such a bad day. My stress levels were high and it did not help that I had
a child with me that just wanted to argue every point. We went to watch the Tullster play in his basketball grand final, it was very exciting but this child didn't want to be there and due to his constant need for debating me, I nearly missed Tully being presented his medal ( yes they won by 1 point! Nail biting affair!)...Then it was off to Maccas for a team lunch, another noisy environment. Anxiety climbing. It was horrible, I was finding it very hard to be in a moment that should of been very enjoyable, instead I wanted to scream . So I kept it in, kept my lid on and it was so very uncomfortable, yet I smiled through it.
Finally at home, I went the easiest dinner option without resorting to take away.
I found it almost impossible to wait for the pasta to boil.
Mr G was driving back from Canberra - so I was mulling over the "what if's" and worrying like the proverbial wart.
I will confess that I succumbed to a few vinos which made me feel way too sleepy. I so should of known better, in the long run drinking alcohol is one of the worst things for anxiety.
I went to bed at 8pm with the kids.
I woke at 2am. Damn. This is never good and only worsens my anxiety. This not good,
after all this time my generalised anxiety disorder (GAD) seems to be back in full swing.
This is a real shock to me, the last time I was struck with this was when things were really bad, lots of life dramas, you know the big stuff like death, birth, moving etc .
But at the moment my life is good, really good. All is stable happy and loving. This seems so unfair....but it is my reality at the moment and I cannot stick my head in the sand, I know where this can lead and I am sure I don't want to go there nor do I want to take my family there.
So today I commit to my own "recovery plan".
Step 1. What is important to me? What are my values? What do I actually want in my life?
Step 1 will take a while. I really need to develop this thoroughly and it will be ongoing.
In the meantime I will be employing these few strategies this week.
1. Breathing - so simple i know, I will taking more notice of my breathing. I know I am a shallow breather and I hold my breath often. So I will be taking more notice of my breathing.
2. I am going to exercise 3 times this week. I know this really helps and I have been a total slob lately, so good reason to get moving.
3. I am going to enjoy what I am doing. I am going to take time to really look at my people, drink in their beauty.
Three things, nothing much more. Three things, not overloading myself.