Sunday, March 25, 2012

How to get well. Step 1

As you know i work in mental health, more specifically I 
am a recovery worker. I help people develop recovery plans and achieve the
goals that they set out for themselves.

So it was a feeling of stupidity I had when I sat down this morning and actually had to think
what do I do now, how do I fix this thing.

Yesterday was such a bad day. My stress levels were high and it did not help that I had 
a child with me that just wanted to argue every point. We went to watch the Tullster play in his basketball grand final, it was very exciting but this child didn't want to be there and due to his constant need for debating me, I nearly missed Tully being presented his medal ( yes they won by 1 point! Nail biting affair!)...Then it was off to Maccas for a team lunch, another noisy environment. Anxiety climbing. It was horrible, I was finding it very hard to be in a moment that should of been very enjoyable, instead I wanted to scream . So I kept it in, kept my lid on and it was so very uncomfortable, yet I smiled through it.

Finally at home, I went the easiest dinner option without resorting to take away.
I found it almost impossible to wait for the pasta to boil. 
Mr G was driving back from Canberra - so I was mulling over the "what if's" and worrying like the proverbial wart.
I will confess that I succumbed to a few vinos which made me feel way too sleepy. I so should of known better, in the long run drinking alcohol is one of the worst things for anxiety.

I went to bed at 8pm with the kids.

I woke at 2am. Damn. This is never good and only worsens my anxiety. This not good,
after all this time my generalised anxiety disorder (GAD) seems to be back in full swing.
This is a real shock to me, the last time I was struck with this was when things were really bad, lots of life  dramas, you know the big stuff like death, birth, moving etc . 
But at the moment my life is good, really good. All is stable happy and loving. This seems so unfair....but it is my reality at the moment and I cannot stick my head in the sand, I know where this can lead and I am sure I don't want to go there nor do I want to take my family there.

So today I commit to my own "recovery plan".

Step 1. What is important to me? What are my values? What do I actually want in my life?

Step 1 will take a while. I really need to develop this thoroughly and it will be ongoing. 

In the meantime I will be employing these few strategies this week.

1. Breathing - so simple i know, I will taking more notice of my breathing. I know I am a shallow breather and I hold my breath often. So I will be taking more notice of my breathing.

2. I am going to exercise 3 times this week. I know this really helps and I have been a total slob lately, so good reason to get moving.

3. I am going to enjoy what I am doing. I am going to take time to really look at my people, drink in their beauty.

Three things, nothing much more. Three things, not overloading myself.


Miss Muggins said...

I wish I could give you a great big hug. Breathing is a good thing to focus on, I am trying to be more aware too. It helps you to become mindful and gives you time to think before reacting. Funny how we are never quite so good at doing for ourselves what we do for others xxxx

Bron said...

Matthew 6: 25-34......
plus all of your own great tips to help you through xxxxxx

Anonymous said...

I have suffered depression since I was a teenager (now in my 40's) and was diagnosed when I was 29. Like you, I know when things are getting out of control and recently my life has spiralled up and down, I kind of feel like I'm on a bungy and can't get off. It's hard when you know all the things you should do......damn it's hard to be intelligent.......but it can be so hard to do. Last night I sat and made origami boats, in all sizes, ripping up an old street directory. Ripping that book up made me feel good and to see something beautiful come out of it, gave me satisfaction. I actually slept well, even though my friend told me I looked trashed this morning. Keep ones hands busy and the mind hasn't got time to spin.......out of control in my case!

Miss Prudence said...

Thank you so much anon for sharing - to be honest my depression / anxiety ( because they go hand in hand) started in my teens too. Back in the 80's your parents just threatened you for being non compliant, not much was known about depression or anxiety...I hope you can catch a corner to anchor yourself to and then get a holding space to think in...I hope good sleep comes again tonight. Maybe we should make origami boats and sail them onto each other and others in the same might be a lovely idea. Take car anon xxx

Catherine said...

Oh lovely I'm sorry to hear that things have been hard for you. Night time is a really hard time to get through I find, my mind will think of all things and often they are unreasonable thoughts. I found that this book, Buddhism for Mothers was very calming and centring for me. Take care and sweet dreams for tonight. Hugs to you.x

CheekyCharey said...

I also have read Buddhism for mothers and refer to it often. Great resource to remind us all to keep in the moment. Keep strong!

Kristen said...

I've been down this road myself--I'm sending you lots of love for healing. You know the only way to the other side is to go through, but peace is out there. You can do this! Hugs.:)