I was a smoker - big time. Loved it. Then I fell pregnant and did not smoke for 3 years. After baby number two I was wading through a dreadful time of grief and PND which took me back to my old friend the "cig-rama". Then pregnant with #3 I stopped again. 12months later, I found myself having "stress relievers" and a smoke with the girls....So my smoking addiction was this bizarre "binge" style which even my GP thought strange - I never smoked in public, in fact I was really embarrassed about it. I could go weeks, months even without a cigarette then get with a smoker and I would light up... Finally I have stopped this tragic pattern and have now gone months and months and months without a cigarette.
Yay! I am a Non-Smoker. I now do not allow smoking on my premises (smoking indoors NEVER happened - it was a strictly outside affair). My few smoker friends I find stinky (sorry girls if you read this - I still love you xx) and I cannot stand walking through shopping centre doorways where smokers loiter; well actually I have always despised this. But I feel differently about me smoking now. I am no longer fearful of lighting another cigarette, I now know that I will never light another. I have experienced stress and PMS, had a few "girls nights out" with a few smokers but haven't lit up....No I just don't want to smoke.
I can't smoke ever again you see, because I have made a promise to three special people that have each expressed their personal fears about me smoking. To fail in these guys' eyes through smoking would be a fate worse than lung cancer. I love these guys and really want to see them through as much of their lives as I can.